Lucid Dream

Hey everyone,
I had an experience yesterday that I thought was worth blogging about before I completely forget it.
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Lucid dreaming is defined by being conscious that you are in a dream during your dream.

I often experience lucid dreaming (it's a wonderful experience that I hope would happen more frequently). This time however was significantly different.

Usually I will be in some sort of adventure setting, based in real life, or not. This gives the lucid dream a novel like effect. The same way I get immersed in a story, I get immersed in the dream.

This time though, there was no story.

I was completely detached from all motor function (and most sensory function as well). Imagine if you will a situation where you cannot see anything, hear anything, smell or touch anything. It was terrifying.

My first reaction was to call out. I reasoned (this part is what proves I knew I was dreaming) that it was still night and if I could call out, my parents would be able to come and help. As much as I tried, however, I could not make a sound.

The next thing I tried was to inflict pain on myself. If I could do that, even by just digging my fingernail into my leg, I felt that I could snap out of it. I couldn't move my hand.

So, of course, the only thing left to do was to take back control of my mind purely using mental effort. Mind over matter. The force of will. I truly believe that if you set your mind, you can do almost anything.

I calmed down, accepted the position I was in, and forced myself to at least momentarily set aside my fear. The instant I regained conscious motor function, I sat upright, which instantly broke the dream.


Now,
Once I was awake I realized how incredible the experience was.
I was fully conscious (well at least I thought so), but completely detached from my physical body. It was not an out of body experience, I think I would not have been as shocked by that. It was as if I merely existed as a consciousness in some void. I would like to clarify, to finish, that my fear was probably derived from my conscious memory of a functioning body, without the control. Next time I will not be as surprised by or (hopefully) afraid of the loss of motor function.

Bed Piano

Umm... YES!

Things that aren't meant to be written/Admission

There are things that aren't meant to be written. Maybe this just means that I haven't taken the step to pouring my life onto this blog yet. Maybe I'm afraid of who could read it.

Maybe I'm afraid of what it means

If there's one thing the internet takes away is your ability to control the flow of information. Once it's out there - it's done.


On a side note -

I wonder if now that I can admit (please don't guess - you'll be wrong)
To myself
Say it out loud
Speak it to you

That means I've accepted it
Or if not accept, acknowledge

Surly not understand,
But acknowledge


I wonder if that means
I can say it out loud to another.

I know you understood my reticence
Be my voice of reason.

Oil spill

This is a) depressing, and b) a really good map of the oil spill in the gulf

Senior Prom (and all that jazz)

Pre-prom was nice. She did a very nice job getting us all there and being a good host. There were so many people there!

The party bus was epic -- but I'll leave that for later in this post.

The actual prom was fine. The space wasn't as nice as last year's... nor was the food... but what can you do.

After prom... lol... after prom

Ok so here goes. Party bus had a stripper poll and cool changing lights. Use your imagination. Now make it a little less grimy (just a little). And that was the ride out there.

The house we went to was ridiculously beautiful. Oh and it had a pool and tennis court.. and a field and a pond.

In terms of the party, there was exactly what I expected there to be. No, nothing particularly interesting happened to me.


Being with everyone was really nice. I hadn't realized that my group of friends was that big (or included that many guys), and it was really nice to know there were more people out there than I'd thought.

My favorite quote of the night was this:
We were sitting around and talking and eventually the conversation turned to international politics, and Moby Dick whereupon CH says, "I'm glad I'm not a whale."

Another memorable quote on the night:
"OMG everyone, this house has such cool ART"



P.S.
Midnight swimming is pretty cool. And freezing.

Senior Grade Trip

Senior grade trip.

I actually had a lot of fun on this trip. I originally wasn't going to go, it was a little on the expensive side. But I am glad I went. There were some people I got to know better... even if it doesn't matter. There were some people I got closer to who do.

It was quite striking how both unified our grade was and at the same time very divided. We were all friendly with each other, which was really nice. You could however see that there were distinct groups of friends, much more so than in regular life.

P.S.
I got the worst sunburn I've ever had on this trip... not that it was that bad...

Senior Initiative and Promises dropped

Senior Initiative was nice, but a bit disappointing. Don't get me wrong, SI is a great way to end senior year (not to mention not having class past April), it just wasn't as fun as I wanted to be.

My initiative was in songwriting. Effectively I saw SI as a way to force me (us all) to do something we'd always wanted to but never had the time (or drive). It worked in a way, but didn't really.

My initiative was in music, I still had orchestra, chorus, a cappella, Becca's initiative (a musical theater showcase for which I was the musical director) not to mention every other club under the sun to deal with. Oh, and APs. I left SI kind of "done" with music, the one thing I didn't want to get out of initiative. For a time with no classes, I was over-musicked and overworked.

With regards to clubs,
I never wanted to be that senior who checked out at the end, and I didn't. But... it lost all pleasure. What I did, I did because I had to, not because I wanted to. The end result was that there were somethings above and beyond what I was expected to do, that I wanted to do, but just didn't get around to.

So, though I don't feel I let them down, I definitely feel I let myself down and that the school could have been better off if I had just tried a little harder.

Hey all :)

So,

This is the first time I'm writing since the May 21st so I have a lot to catch up on. Yes, I plan on posting a lot within the next 24 hours. Yes almost all of it will be confessional. I have a lot to catch up on. Feel free to read it or not on your own time.