FMLs worth sharing :)

1) Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

2) Today, my boyfriend told me that we couldn't have sex anymore because ever since we have, he's been in a hitting slump for baseball. He picked baseball over sex. FML

3) Today, I woke up with some bloody gauze covering a nasty wound on my neck. Turns out that hooking up with a freak with a vampire fetish doesn't seem quite so appealing when sober. FML

4) Today, my husband and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV. I was enjoying myself and feeling pleased with how sweet he was being, when out of nowhere he flipped me over, grabbed my breasts and yelled "ME CONQUER WOMAN!" FML

I'll add more as I find them :P